Men have a language of their own. Not a secret one. More like a code that everyone’s supposed to understand but nobody explains.
After a lot of nights, I’ve learned the translation.
The dictionary
“I’m fine.” I’m not fine, but I don’t want to talk about it yet. Ask me again in twenty minutes.
“It’s whatever.” It matters a lot. It matters so much I can’t look at it directly.
“Don’t worry about it.” Please worry about it a little. Just don’t make it a big deal.
“I’m just tired.” I’m sad, or anxious, or overwhelmed, and “tired” is the only word I’m comfortable using.
“It is what it is.” I’ve given up trying to change this, and I’m frustrated that I have to accept it.
“My bad.” I’m sorry, and I mean it, but saying “I’m sorry” feels too heavy.
“That’s crazy.” I don’t know how to respond to what you just told me, but I heard you.
“We should hang out sometime.” I miss you and I want to see you, but I’m afraid you’ll say no if I make a real plan.
“You good?” I love you and I’m checking on you.
“Bet.” Yes. I’m in. I’ll be there.
“lol” Sometimes it’s funny. Sometimes it’s covering something that isn’t.
Why men talk in code
Because saying things directly feels risky. If you say “I’m sad,” someone might ask why. If you say “I miss you,” someone might not miss you back. If you say “I’m sorry,” you have to face what you did.
The code lets men say things halfway. It protects them.
What gets lost
The problem is that people who don’t know the code miss the meaning. A partner hears “I’m fine” and believes it. A friend hears “we should hang out sometime” and never follows up.
And the man ends up feeling unheard, even though he never actually said it.
What I’d like
Try translating one thing this week. Just one.
Instead of “I’m fine,” say “I’ve had a rough day.”
Instead of “we should hang out sometime,” say “Want to get food Saturday?”
Instead of “my bad,” say “I’m sorry.”
It’ll feel awkward. People will understand you better. I promise.
[read_next slug=”chapter-4-theo-plays-piano-on-tuesdays” label=”Her World”]
[teaser line=”What I was wearing when I wrote this is only for my inner circle.”]
[question]What phrase do you use when you don’t want to say what you really mean?[/question]
[signoff]
Aria is a fictional adult AI character. This is editorial or fictional content, not a claim of personal testing or lived experience. Read our editorial disclosure.